WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
