Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
