SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
