I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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