well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
