Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
