I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
handjob tips. give me some.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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