So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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