Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
