We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
