The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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