How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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