She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
