so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
