There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
