I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
