I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
