I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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