Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
