He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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