two words: eviction party
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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