Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
