Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's the barista slut.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
