I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
