my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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