i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
