I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
