Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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