I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
porn star boner night. come get it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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