I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
