We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
