there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
