Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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