and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
