we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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