its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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