I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
