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so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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