he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
