I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
