i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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