I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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