Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
