Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
