He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
