i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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