Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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