Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
