I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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