I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
