I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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