I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
