i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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