Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
